just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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