I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
