In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
