i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize