I'm so fucking centered right now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize