3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
