i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
