fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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