We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
