Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
