so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
