At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
