I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I could make wine with my vomit
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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