Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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