Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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