I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
