I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
