I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
