you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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