im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
