Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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