Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
