It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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