Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
