after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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