I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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