So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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