Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
