I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
