i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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