I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
