You're a womanizer and a bitch.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
