At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
