Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
