dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
