Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
