My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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