Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
