Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
