I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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