he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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