direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did I show you my penis last night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
