So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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