last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
