allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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