When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
