dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
