i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
