i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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