HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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