I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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