I think I died a long time ago.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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