you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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