what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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