they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
