# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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