you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
