i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
COCAINE IS GR8
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
