Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
