those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
home. puking in laundry basket.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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