My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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