i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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