i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
