Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
