we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
