I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
