Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
